


In Which Juno Doesn't Have a Refrigerator

by orphan_account



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: M/M, Mostly., and like 90 percent dialouge?, i swear i tried., they try to cook a meal?, this is honestly really bad.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 14:15:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11037861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	In Which Juno Doesn't Have a Refrigerator

Peter rolled over onto his back and Juno, from his desk, glanced over.

"I'm hungry."

"We can get Chinese food." Juno suggested.

"We had that yesterday."

"Thai?"

"Thursday."

"Mexican?"

"Wednesday."

"Italian?"

"Saturday." Peter sighed. "You can't just go on having take-out for your entire life, Juno."

"I'd say the past few decades of my life would prove you wrong."

"Juno, dear." Peter shook his head. 

"What's your point, Nureyev? Do you want to eat out? Because I've got a case tomorrow, I think I can afford it. Actually, we haven't gone out in a while-"

"Juno, who  _ raised  _ you?"

"My mom."

"Oh." Peter paused. "Juno, I'm sorry."

Juno shrugged. "Eh. Anyway, if you don't want to eat out, and you don't want to order food- wait." Juno leaned back in his chair, crossed, then uncrossed his arms. "You don't mean-"

"Juno dear, it's not that big of a deal, stop being a drama queen."

"I've never cooked a meal, and I don't plan to start now."

"Where's your refrigerator?"

"You've lived with me for a few months now, you should know this by now, Nureyev."

"I haven't seen one..." Peter said slowly.

"Exactly. Don't have one."

"How do you survive?"

"We've got one at the office. Rita cooks sometimes."

"What's in there?"

"Nothing, maybe mold. Haven't opened it- Rita glued it shut so I wouldn't steal the cookies she made."

"Oh." Peter paused, then shook his head. "We'll have to go shopping."

"Oh?" Juno was no stranger to going shopping- with Rita, with Sasha, with Peter, once, a while ago, with Mick- but only once. Mick's shopping trips work about as well as his other ideas.

"Yeah, there's this thing called a grocery store, we can go there-"

"Ugh."

"What is it, Juno?"

"I hate grocery stores."

"Wh- you know what, okay. Too bad. We're going to make gnocchi if it kills me."

"Aw, no, Nureyev, I don't want to be a widow."

"Keep it up and  _ I'll  _ be a widower."

 

"Okay, so first we need potatoes," Peter read from his phone. 

"What? Isn't gnocchi pasta?"

"With potatoes."

"Oh, ew."

"Juno, dear,"

"Yes?"

"Shut up, asshole."

"Of course." Juno looked around the store. "That's a potato, right?"

Peter raised his eyebrow. "Yes."

"See, I know these things, it pays to know these things when you're a private eye."

"Of course."

Juno grabbed five, holding three in one hand. "Hey, where are we putting these?"

"I don't know, maybe you can just carry them."

"I don't think my hands are that big, Nureyev."

"Then you can grab a shopping cart."

"Are those the metal things that look like torture devices?"

"Yes, and I thought I told you not to be so dramatic."

"I don't need to listen to you."

"We need tomatoes."

"Those are blue, right?"

"I am worried about your childhood."

"So am I, and I had to live it."

 

 ---

 

 "Okay, Nureyev, you've got me. How do we make pasta from this?" Juno gazed dismally at the ingredients set out on his counter.

"If I'd have known it was this easy to confound you, I would have cooked long ago."

"It's not confusing when  _other_ people do it. Just me. How do you do it?"

"I'm not completely sure, darling."

"What? You lead me down this path- this path of  _cooking_ only to say that you can't finish it?"

"Now, Juno, I never said that."

"But that's what that means, isn't it?"

"Well, there's this thing called the internet- have you heard of it?"

"Yeah, Rita talks about it sometimes."

"Yeah, well, I can take recipes off of it and we can make pasta."

"Huh."

 

\---

 

_It's been fifteen minutes, and Peter's regretting his promise._

"Juno, you idiot, that's not how you-"

"Don't doubt me, Nureyev. I know how to cook."

"Just fifteen minutes you said you didn't know how to crack an egg!"

"That's different. Mixing, though, I can do."

"Are you sure."

"Positive. I can shoot a lime from three hundred feet- I think I can mix some eggs."

"Of course, dear."

 

\---

 

"Rita!" Juno paced in front of his desk, his phone pressed to his ear.

Peter stuck his finger in the sauce, which.. looked right, at least. 

"Rita, me and Peter tried cooking, and I think-"

_"Oh, no, Mistah Steel, I... couldn't."_

"Rita, I know that your experience with my cooking hasn't been exactly... tasteful, but Nureyev helped, and it doesn't taste  _that_ bad."

_"What'dj you make?"_

"Potatoes."

_"NUREYEV! What'd you make?"_

"Gnocchi, Rita."

_"Ooh, sounds great."_

"It actually looks edible, too," Juno said.

"You know why?" Peter leaned against the counter.

"Why?"

"Because it is, asshole."

"Of course."

 

\----

 

Rita, sitting and Juno's desk- Peter was on their bed, and Juno was on the counter- tentatively took a bite of the meal. "This doesn't taste like the depths of hell, congrats."

"I'm glad you think so, Rita."

"No probs, Mistah Steel."

Peter took a bite of his. "Honestly, I think we did an okay job."

"You didn't do so bad yourself, Nureyev."

"I was including myself in 'we', Juno darling."

"Oh."


End file.
